Four Stages of being TG

[Ellena]

A thought - here are my four stages of being TG

Stage 1 - coming out of that closet
Stage 2 - accepting who you are
Stage 3 - finding the balance inside you, whether it tips you all way to a another gender or in between

Stage 4 - well if anyone knows it let me know - have not reached it yet.

PS That was what I said until last week - I think I know Stage 4 - is to campaign for acceptance that we are normal part of humanity
PPS by campaigning, just getting out there in normal environments, informing people so they can see we are normal - grand or small gestures. I like to stand in front of a mirror, nicely dressed and say to myself - your a normal part of human existence, as 10-20% of humanity are like you.

Well it is all a thought(s)

Love Ellena:)

[jackie66]

On this planet of ours nature has decreed that anything living, be it plant or animal, shall conform to an average. Anything not average shall branch off and evolve into a new branch of that species. Yon chap Darwin spotted this trend and called it evolution.
General ignorance within the human species has dictated that any differences shall shall be noted and some action taken. Action such as ridiculing the person's colour, creed or sexuality. This is called discrimination.
Governments have created laws banning this sort of thing, but to little effect.
This discrimination is also present within the transgender community. Can you believe that I am barred from attending major events because I am disabled. One person actually e-mailed me to tell me to stay away since my presence was putting people off attending-- this, even though I said I was UNABLE to attend.
A national organization barred me from their events at the earliest excuse, since it was too much trouble to organize dinner seating (requiring 2 places). This occurred after a complaint was made by a TV that my wheelchair was touching her dress, and could possibly spoil it.
I am going to an event in May. An event I was invited to join. Indeed I was the first or one of the first to be invited so that I could take up the offer of the room that is set out for a disabled person.
I may not be able to join in the dancing and drinking sets but I do try to make a good example of the love of crossdressing

[Kate]

A thought - here are my four stages of being TG

Stage 1 - coming out of that closet
Stage 2 - accepting who you are
Stage 3 - finding the balance inside you, whether it tips you all way to a another gender or in between

Stage 4 - well if anyone knows it let me know - have not reached it yet.


For me
Stage 2. this has been done for a few years now.
Stage 3. is becoming clearer week by week.
Stage 1. OH HELP!!!!!
Stage 4. if I can get through stage 1, I will let you know

[AuntieJackie]

Somebody told me once that being a TG/TS is like a train Journey, you can stay right to the end of the journey or you can get off at each station and have a look what you have achieved and then get back on the train and continue the journey or get back on another train to go back to where you came from. At some stage of my journey I had thoughts of going back to the start but I stuck it out and saw it right to the end. You have to believe in yourself because nobody else will unless you have the full support from your family and friends.

[Kaity]

The journey never ends, as everyone on this planet is in 'transition', just most people are in transition from life to death, whereas TG are in transition from death to life.

Other stages include.

- Denial
- Anger
- 'Me, Me, Me' self obsessed/orientated period
- Mourning
- Normality

If you're going 'all the way' dont make the op the main goal, or think of it as the end of transition, it should be viewed as just another speed bump on the journey, just a bit of bit bigger one than the others.

TS that focus totally on the op often have mental health issues afterwards as they are left goalless and directionless, empty inside.

[natalie.nettle]

A thought - here are my four stages of being TG

Stage 1 - coming out of that closet
Stage 2 - accepting who you are
Stage 3 - finding the balance inside you, whether it tips you all way to a another gender or in between

Stage 4 - well if anyone knows it let me know - have not reached it yet.

PS That was what I said until last week - I think I know Stage 4 - is to campaign for acceptance that we are normal part of humanity
PPS by campaigning, just getting out there in normal environments, informing people so they can see we are normal - grand or small gestures. I like to stand in front of a mirror, nicely dressed and say to myself - your a normal part of human existence, as 10-20% of humanity are like you.

Well it is all a thought(s)

Love Ellena:)


Dear Ellena,
You may well be right ,& there are only four stages in this process, ( but could the last stage be the next stage...out of town?)

Its a long process, & i,m not sure whether dividing into stages make it any easier,as I personally find that my ideas about it are still(after many years) fluctuating,and I have occasionally climbed back into the closet.

Simularly self acceptance also varies, its not a
"done deal", sometimes I,m up, sometimes I,m down, like many of us, I try to take a day at a time?

But I have heard that there are ONLY three rules,for cross gender activities!

But nobody seems to know what they are!?

[Clare Aston]

Can i chuck in me fourpenceworth to this discussion?

Stage 1 - may have to be revisited several times as we dont always open the closet door fully/all at once. We may be out of the closet to some people and not others. This may vary over time, and is not an even process, i'm thinking

Is it possible to fulfil the final stage, and be a TV evangelist (!) until one is completely out of the closet with everyone - work/bosses/colleagues - and KIDS (however old they are). who do we tell first - and why?

I'm not settled in my own mind about this, being a newbie - but it's an interesting set of ideas, deserving of much thought and consideration - thanks Ellena!

Clare x

[Josie]

I've read many threads perhaps not all of them, but I can't find any deep debate on sexuality.

I've read words such as "coming out of the closet", "accepting who you are" etc. but nothing of our nature.

I am a man, I live in a male world, I enjoy it. That's my physical sexuality and I don't want to change it.

I do however have the need to be a woman and enjoy a female sexuality. For me it's emotional and not physical.

For me, the female emotions I feel are not opposite to the male, they are complimentary. "Coming out of the closet" is one way of doing that but in doing so I sacrifice my male emotions.

I write this not as a judgement but as food for thought and I hope debate that may help me and others reconcile our emotions and enjoy what we are.
I'm not a fan of analysis but let's be honest about ourselves and not use flowery phrases that frankly confuse things further and drive us toward things we don't want to do and more importantly, things we don't need to do.

I recognise my thoughts do not apply to all but maybe a small number of readers like me. For others the needs of physical sexuality may be stronger.

I would love to hear your the considered thoughts.

Best wishes, Josie.

[Clare Aston]

I've read many threads perhaps not all of them, but I can't find any deep debate on sexuality.

I've read words such as "coming out of the closet", "accepting who you are" etc. but nothing of our nature.

I am a man, I live in a male world, I enjoy it. That's my physical sexuality and I don't want to change it.

I do however have the need to be a woman and enjoy a female sexuality. For me it's emotional and not physical.

For me, the female emotions I feel are not opposite to the male, they are complimentary. "Coming out of the closet" is one way of doing that but in doing so I sacrifice my male emotions.

I write this not as a judgement but as food for thought and I hope debate that may help me and others reconcile our emotions and enjoy what we are.
I'm not a fan of analysis but let's be honest about ourselves and not use flowery phrases that frankly confuse things further and drive us toward things we don't want to do and more importantly, things we don't need to do.

I recognise my thoughts do not apply to all but maybe a small number of readers like me. For others the needs of physical sexuality may be stronger.

I would love to hear your the considered thoughts.

Best wishes, Josie.


Hmm - i guess this is one that dogs all TG's from time to time. Well (takes deep breath`). You've realised that you are male, and that nothing will ever change that - well, same here; anything else is a little self-deceiving. For my money, that's honest.

But, i dont know about you, but one of the reasons i dress is because the male world is just somewhere i find too stressful, and in which, being me, i cant function all the time. It's not all its cracked up to be, and a lot of men, though they dont se it in the terms we do, think the same from time to time.

we dont need to sacrifice our male emotions, however, it seems to me; we just need to see them as something to be managed, and integrated properly - to discover a truer male self, if you will. I dont think that this idea is anything new - its just that we dramatise it, bring it to the fore, and 'into the light'.
The issue is how we relate to the land in which we now find ourselves; i work in a majority female place - the mannerisms, focus of relationships, and work style are nuanced - not as different as you might think, but different none the less. Women are female PEOPLE, nothing more or less. how 's that for a start

clare xx

[Ellena]

Simularly self acceptance also varies, its not a
"done deal", sometimes I,m up, sometimes I,m down, like many of us, I try to take a day at a time?

But I have heard that there are ONLY three rules,for cross gender activities!

But nobody seems to know what they are!?[/QUOTE]

Up, down, flying around, those magnificent men in their sweeping dresses - no it does not scan, but I do not know what you mean. Maybe we live in a permanent state of confusion, and a day at time is good. I must admit I wish for certainty of knowing I was one gender or other - and stage 2 is hardest,].

[Ellena]

. Women are female PEOPLE, nothing more or less. how 's that for a start

clare xx[/QUOTE]

That is interesting - I was arguing about feminism etc with my daughter. I made point that women and men are human first - we are defined by humanity first then our gender - for human read people. Nice for someone to think same way

Ellena:)

[noeleena]

Hi...Ill put this in to the mix ...if you look at this from both sides of the fence youll see where i come from in part any way .
Being a andro ... whats there for me to change ... just the clothes . one.s body . or one.s mind ...years of being hidden away . wearing female clothe.s no did not do that . trying to make my self look like a women . note ... not a female . My mind .... not that at all . i was born with both male & female in the way i was thinking ... not in the sense of knowing what was going on . it was there in the waiting . till it was time to be a women in my thinking ..
The clothe.s yes there were times i had women. s clothe.s on at different times,s just not like some .. my body ... i was happy with it . just some detail not quite right .. & some bit.s missing .. other wise yea i was in the main happy .. for the most part a male . just 50 years . what changed . every thing just fell in to place at age 50 ... i knew i was going to live the rest of my life as a women ... body . yes s r s & b a ...what i saw was fullfilled. my self as a women so for some of us what you have said is quite right , in many respects . Ellena . is that all no way . theres a lot more that goes on . we have to deal with that ... for me . now . i am just accepted as a women ...my detail is. i dont have my womb .... other wise i am very happy ..
...noeleena...