Its cost Mojo!

[Haylee]

A few years ago I came 'out' to Mrs Haylee, she was amazingly fine about it. My skirts hung in the wardrobe and I was allowed to dress at home but not over do it and not infront of the kids ( both still under 5)
Then 18 months ago she had enough of it and told me so - Hayee's things stayed in the wardrobe and I dressed when she was out. She probably assumed I'd stopped dressing or just blocked it out.
In the meantime out sexlife ground to a halt - not uncommon - young family, daily stress etc. Anyway it has become apparent talking that the final nail in the coffin of our sex life was Haylee - things would be fine when Bob and Mrs Haylee were 'getting it on' then Mrs Haylee would get a vision of Haylee in her mind and that would kill all passion. She has asked for Haylees's things to be put out of her site so she can block it out.

I've been open and honest with her, which she appreciates, and in general she has nothing against crossingdress/TV activity - if I was her brother / a friend etc it would be fine. The issue appears to be that we are a couple and femininity and gilry things are her department and I've strayed into her terratory which she resents - I'm almost mocking her, plus she wants a 'normal' sex life but I've spoilt it by adding in this vision of Haylee she cann't get out of her head at the crucial moment unless she's had a bottle of wine.

I guess you cann't have you're cake and eat it.

Any thoughts or advice from those who have been in a similar situation?

[debs_n_soots]

Hi Haylee,

This certainly happened to me also - and I'd say it's very common indeed.

Initially my ex was fine - even a bit intrigued - but this gave way to unease after several months. I think it was partly that she felt I was usurping her place and partly that she feared I would 'go the whole hog' - which indeed I eventually did.....

From a sex point of view she didn't like the changes I was making - like shaving legs etc - because she signed up for a man I guess - and increasingly I just wasn't able to play that role.

It's very hard and confusing for partners really. It's unfair on them because it's not what they wanted or what most of us 'promised' when we started going out with them. Equally one might argue it's not fair on us because social conventions cause us to hide our true selves for as long as we can bear to.....

I still feel tremendously guilty for the path I took - even though I know that I had to for my own sanity.

For you, perhaps, it's a little different - because you've stated elsewhere that you've no intention of going full time. Perhaps your wife is not so confident of this however - given the recent airing of lots of programmes about transexualism. Tranvestism is still less well understood I guess because it's motives are not so clear. It might be that she fears one day you will take things that step too far for her to bear?

I'd say talk to her - but even there the danger is she'll get sick of the subject - my ex certainly did. Perhaps it will help however? Reassurance and compromise is probably the best you can do - and I guess that only you know how far you can compromise without going potty!

Good luck - I hope you can find an amicable solution.

Debs x

[Haylee]

Thanks Debs.

Haylee

[jackiejones]

Thats sad to hear:( sounds like you have no choice but Give up Haylee for now:(

Hope you can sort something out soon? i hate to say it, but Haylee could be an excuse not to have Sex,you both need a good talk and Marage guidence may be a big help.

Hope all end up well for you.

[Haylee]

Thanks Jackie,

well I think Haylee is one of many issues - tiredness being the biggest! The last think Mums with nippers want to do is jump into bed....
Just a case of talking through it - she's not anti dressing its just that its a bit close to home!

Haylee

[rachelb]

Haylee

IF you VALUE you wife as friend, life partener and WIFE, then you have to put the clothes away somewhere, for a while at least. Don't throw them away (well, maybe some of the stuff, you probably have got too much anyway!) My wife was reasonable to start with, though she did reckon that she had lost her man. I told her that was rubbish as I was still here, but with something extra. I sometimes get all bravado and think that if she pushes it I will tell her to get lost, as I am still the same person. But I pull back and think that maybe i have been pushing my girly bit recently (i.e. wardrobe doors wide open showing all my blouses, skirts etc. but then she might ask to borrow a particular necklace or other piece of (cheap) jewllery.

All I can say is - Don't push her, ease off. She will never be happy with HER MAN weraing a dress, so accept that and hope that she will let you out to play now and again, like my wife allows me too.