Coming out!

[Jennifer Kielty]

Hi

I would like a some help and advice please. I am setting up a plan of action so within the next couple of months I will tell my close friends and family about Jenny! What I would like to know, is there any recommended reading/literature which I could give, mainly my family, so they could gain a better understanding of what I have just told them. I’m not going down the transitioning route, I’m just a crossdresser. The Boudoir photos, some of which are posted on my profile, are not me being vein, they are going to be the basis for how I go about telling them. They say a picture is worth a thousand words!!!

Jen

[Christina Johnson]

Hi Jennifer, Although I've not read it myself, the book 'My Husband Betty' is supposed to be quite good. I gave the book to my partner to read, after I had told her about Tina in a hope it would answer many of her questions that I would find it difficult to answer, or indeed for vher to ask. But it may not be the best book to give to friends, although I may be wrong.

Overall I think it depends on how each person reacts to Jen, some may ask to see pics, and take great interest, others may just need time to accept, and a few unfortunately may not accept at all.

Personally, I haven't found a singular statement or plan to 'fit all',
But, the only piece of advice I would give, is to let people deal with it in their own time; unfortunately that was a lesson I learned the hard way


http://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Husband-Betty-Love-Crossdresser/dp/1560255153

[debs_n_soots]

Hi Jennifer,

I know your situation is a little different, but when I told people I was transitioning I wrote a little (2 page) pamphlet of my own. This had a few bits of 'medical stuff' and a kind of personal statement as to why I was doing what I was doing.

I left it with people after I'd been to talk to them so they had a precis of what I'd said. Perhaps that would be helpful - because we're all different with our own perspectives - so that way you could make sure people knew how YOU feel about your cross-dressing and why its an important part of you.

Debs x

[rachelb]

Hi Jennifer

You have to tell immedeate partner first, then maybe the females of the family, but what ever you choose to do just remember that you will be so worked up about what you are about to say to them that you could well be loosing control and the tears will follow, so deep breaths first!! Also remember that once you have opened your mouth and the first words are on their way out it will be too late to stop, so make really sure that it is time to tell the world.

I have found my best 'information pack' to show people is the film 'Just Like a Woman' with Julie Walters (I have both a video and DVD copy of it). I also have leaflets from the Beaumont Society, Beaumont Trust andTransliving International. I could scan them and email copies to you if you wish. The Beaumont Soc. also do a booklet for the 'women of the Beaumont Society (WOBS) aimed at the female partner (I have heard that WOBS is the last place to go for support for the wives, but also been told that it has improved recently)

[Haylee]

I just told Mrs Haylee one night, she was fine really - the expected questions "Are you Gay", " Do you want a sex change". Once that was all cleared up it was fine for a longtime, and she was very protective and felt sorry for me having had this burden for years.
Then I maybe dressed a bit much in front of her and she got sick of it, so for 18 months its not really been talked about. That said she has made the odd whitty comment sort of "its not surprising the kids are mad there dads a tranny" all said in a light hearted manner.
Maybe people are fine for a while then there is a backlash before things settleing down again - anyone else any thoughts?
I feel I need to bring it up again so I can get to Ren without going behind her back!

[Jennifer Kielty]

Thank you for all the advice. I told my best female friend, Kay, last Monday. I have been rehearsing what I would say for weeks now and when I finally got around to telling her, it all came out in the wrong order and my mind went blank, god knows how I am going to tell my family?
I didn’t tell her that I was a cross dresser at first, I showed her one of the Boudoir photos, after a couple of minutes when she was asking all sorts of question about, was she my girlfriend? Where did I meet her? I told her it was me, she wouldn’t believe me, so I had to show her the rest. To say she was shocked was an underestimation! I was ecstatic because she has known me for years and she hadn’t recognised me. The up shot of all this is she wants to take Jenny shopping in Manchester, where she’s going style her!!
I feel that a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have managed to tell a person who is close to me, and is non transgendered, and I feel much better for it. I still have a little way to go, telling my family, but I am feeling more confident about the tasks ahead, just need to get my story right?

A very happy Jenny:D

[Ellena]

Hi Jenny - photos do say a lot, I used photos when I have ever told people, with exception of my eldest daughter for who I had no photos then. The iti took a 3 hour build up to say it. With Jill I did it in 5 mins with a photo in Wetherspoons, Manchester That is only advice I can give, from experience.

love Ellena x

[rachelb]

Telling other people is one thing, especially females, easy peasy!, telling the family is totally different. Tread very carefuly especially if you want to go full time, unless you fully intend to divorce the wife whatever comes :(

[Lynda Collins]

Telling other people is one thing, especially females, easy peasy!, telling the family is totally different. Tread very carefuly especially if you want to go full time, unless you fully intend to divorce the wife whatever comes :(

In Jennifer's case she is not married so she does not have that bridge to cross Rachael and, I'm sure she will find the right way to tell her family because at this time she still lives at home...........

Good luck from me and Petra, Jen

[Jennifer D]

Thank you for all the advice. I told my best female friend, Kay, last Monday. I have been rehearsing what I would say for weeks now and when I finally got around to telling her, it all came out in the wrong order and my mind went blank, god knows how I am going to tell my family?
I told my sister quite a long time ago, and that wasn't so hard to do. But I just did not know how to tell my Mum, and I kept putting it off, and off, and ...

When I did finally tell her she was really great - but I think what helped most was a photo of me, as Jennifer, and my Mum's favourite grand-daughter (who just happens to be my favourite niece as well) in Manchester together. I think what helped my Mum most was to be able to see that I was not in any sense isolated in this - and so I'd say that picking photos to show to your familly of you in "real world" situations may make it a bit easier (for them) than showing them dressing service ones.

Just a thought - I'm no expert, I only just been through this with my Mum and although everything went fine, I have yet to see her again after telling her.