Victoria Welcome to the forum

[Lynda Collins]

Just to say welcome to the forum

[Victoria Miller]

Hello girls, Im Vicky and im from Sunderland in the North East. I hope to get to at least one or two meetings this year hopefully.

My friend Diana has pointed me to this group, im on roses & angels, and recognise a few names and faces from those forums on here..

I have been dressing up in girls clothing from about 10 yrs old mebey even earlier than that! but its only recently that i have accepted it totally with myself.. To that end i have came out to all my family & friends, including work mates & biking buddies ( who have been awesome in there support for me).

I have recently been to see my Dr about Vicky's condition, and he is 100% behind me with my own assessment of gender dysphoria and has refered me direct to a GIC without the need to see a shrink first...I have no intention of being a woman full time, I dont feel the overwhelming need for GRS and i believe it would cause me more problems than it would cure, but i would love, and really need to be a more feminine shape with nice hips and smallish boobs, so im hoping i can get some kind of hormone treatment..

I live alone and am dressed as vicky probably 90% of the time when at home, and only really do the male thing when out at work.. I have yet to go out properly when dressed, though i did go to our bike club meeting ther other week dressed as vicky, but it was to raise money for charity so it was a bit of a cheat.. but since then i have told all the bikers ( online forum like this) about me and what i am, and they have been fab..

Hopefully i will see you all soon for a visit soon.

Vicky x

[Lynda Collins]

Hi Victoria
Having read this post and others on Roses several times can I ask why you are asking to see a gender counciller.... I note that you have not even been out dressed so have not one idea of whats its like living as a female ie: shopping working socialising etc. You state you do not want to live full time as a female .... do not want surgery either.

It seems that all you are after is a curvey bum and small boobs... these can be achieved by hip pads and silicone...

You would also be expected to live full time and to socialise and work in the female role during treatment.... not to choose to do it when it suits you...
Also hormones don't just give you curvy bum and small boobs [can take up to 2 years] .. they can also make you infertile and in some cases non funtional of the male organ and can cause Deep Vein Thrombosis ......what about laser/electrolsis

Do you maybe need to rethink where you going

[Diana Richards]

Well sound advice I'm sure, but welcome Vicky - nice to see you here !
love
Diana
xxx

[Nicola D]

Lynda,
Don't take this personally Lynda, I'm just being honest with you and if friends can't be honest with each other, then they can't be friends.

As much as you are entitled to your opinion, as are we all, I feel you are being too critical of Victoria, I concluded a long time ago when I was trying to understand myself (which I'm still doing) that TV's, TS's and TG's are like colours of a rainbow, no two colours are identical, as are no two TG's identical.

Everyone's situation and needs are different (as I was discussing with Julie last night) and not everyone wants to go all the way like you have. I myself have decided that I feel it's probably the right thing to do, but I would be foolish not to consider ALL the pros and cons of transitioning and GRS.

I understand your point about Victoria and that you feel she is wasting her time and others (Doctors and shrinks etc) but I'm sorry I don't think that gives you the right to be so hash on her.

I thought EVERYONE was welcome and I'm sure everyone IS welcome.

Like I said, don't take this personally Lynda, I'm just being honest with you.
Love Nicola

[Lynda Collins]

Hi Nicola
I didn't mean to sound harsh ... I was just repeating what was written by Victoria herself. If Victoria had been uncertain about what she is looking for, I would not had said what I did . Having never been out as Vicky worries me and, one has to know what is expected of you by the gender clinics. Victoria has said she does not want to be full time... taking hormones just to achieve as Victoria said a more curvy bum and small boobs is the silent dreams of all the girls at some time, but it has to thought about seriously.......and sometimes I do play the devils advocate

[Nicola D]

I agree with you on that, and I know that you are right. Victoria may correct me if she wishes, but I feel that she just wants to be more girly, that for her is the next step. Later when that step has been achieved, she may decide to go a bit further, but right now, that's all she wants.

The biggest mountain is conquered one step at a time.

Sorry Lynda I just didn't like the way it sounded, it came across to me as being harsh. No hard feelings I hope, and I hope you took my comments as they were intended.
Love Nicola

[Lynda Collins]

Of course Nicola, we are all just trying to help in our own way....

[Victoria Miller]

Well i found it very annoying that Lynda could put something like that up without knowing a bit more about me. When I want advice i will go to a specialist.. which is exactly what i am doing..My doctor is fully aware of my position, and about what has gone on in my life to date, and has no problem or reservations at all with refering me to the GIC.
I only started coming out the closet in Jan 08, and am still very much in that process now.. ( do you remember your first trips out!! how daunting it is when your not sure of yourself, or how you look to others) And its true, i havent been out and about much as vicky, but thats slowly changing, I am actually going out on fridaynight, with some other t girls & RG's to a dinner party, and im really looking forward to it..There doesn't seem to be a lot of support groups over here compared to whats on the west coast !! just informal pub gatherings from what i have heard..
I also stand by what I said in that I have no intention of living full time as a woman. Yes, for as long as i can remember i have always felt different from other blokes, and that i was the wrong sex, but changing over is not the solution for me at this moment. It will cause me more problems than it will fix, so whats the point!. Possibly at some point in the future I may think differently, but at the moment.. no.. However i still feel feminine inside, and want to look more girly on the outside. And sorry but silicone tits and hip pads just dont cut it. So as far as im concerned hormones would be good, yes, I am well aware of the risks and drawbacks of them, and dont even know if i will be allowed to take them.. Thats what the GIC there for.. help and advice... better advice off them than a online forum i would say ( no offence girls, but im sure you know what i mean)

Vicky.

[Nicola D]

Victoria,
Please don't take ANY comments to heart. We all have opinions on many things TG related and not TG, but it won't help to take comments to heart as personal slights on you. I have known Lynda a short while, others have known her longer and we would all say that she would not say anything to hurt you. This forum is intended as a social community to inform, advise, help and add humour to the TG community in general. And like a community not everyone agrees.

Think of transitioning like this: you are on a road. It goes in two directions, forward and back. It's a scary road and sometimes you stop to build up some courage. When you're ready you carry on. There are people on the road ahead of you and people behind you. Those ahead of you, who've been down this road can offer you advice. You are able to offer advice to those who aren't as far down the road as you.

Somtimes (as in life) that advice comes in the form of an opinion, sometimes as as story, but never as a personal comment (not on this forum anyway). If a comment is made, there are moderators to bring people back into line. Others may make their opinions felt too if someone steps out of line.

I know that I can be blunt and tactless sometimes and I only hope that when I am people don't take it the wrong way. This is the position I feel you should take, It's not personal.

Please don't feel un-welcome if you are able to come to one of our meetings and meet Lynda you will see how friendly she is.

I hope this helps you.

[Lynda Collins]

Not wishing to upset you Victoria.... it's just all I have to go on is what you yourself have given us in previous posts....
I'ts just that if you are looking at getting hormones the GIC do prefer us to be living in role RLT and I believe looking at name change.....
Normally you have to see a phyciatrist first to discuss personal issues first before being refered to a GIC
[Are you going NHS or Private]

Please keep us updated on your progresss

I am only trying to help

[Victoria Miller]

No worries Lynda, i realise your only trying to help. Sorry to have started off on a sour note!!
I was fully expecting the dr to send me to the phyciatrist first, but he is convinced that what i have told him about myself, the local GIC would be able to help me more..Mebey he's wrong, i dont know!

I really would like to get on hormone therapy, but if it means i need to be full time then i wont be getting them, simple as that. Its simply not an option i have. Im a self employed electrical contractor,run my own company. The vast bulk of my work is sub contract work for other companies in schools ( both primary & secondary) I wouldnt expect for one second those companies would give me any further work on there behalf if i were to become a woman full time.. the little kids would be confused, the big kids would just take the piss ( teenage girls!! imagine having to work alongside them as a man trying to be a woman).. and the school would probably complain...No, its less hassle for them to simply use another contractor, then thats me bust!... I know, ive already tested the water there, there fine about my dressing up, not a problem but quote" i hope your not going to start coming to work like that"
Once i get my confidence up i will be out and about as vicky all the time, just try and stop me... but for work, not a chance.
Dont know yet what funding (if any) is available for me, The Dr is looking into what i can expect from the NHS and will be in touch by letter when he finds out.

[reggie]

Hi, Victoria and all who have responded to this post.

I now think it's time I had my say. Victoria I fully understand what you feel you want, but you do have to apply logic to your situation, which you do seem to have gone part way in doing.

I do not consider that Lynda was being harsh at all, she was just telling it as it is, and if you cannot understand that then read it again, and this particular point for Victoria, if you say something on this forum you have to be prepared for critisism, and or advice, especially from those who have been there done that and got the T shirt as they say.
I have known Lynda for a long time, and I have not known her to be unkind to anyone, just offering the voice of experience to help you.

We all know that there are different situations, and wishes for all T girls, and you have to get used to the harsh reality that you cannot always achieve your perfect goal, in some circumstances you have to make adjustments.

There is a lot of good advice in this post for you, (even tho' Rose seems to have been a little long winded with it).

I wish you all the best Victoria and hope you do get yourself sorted out with where you want to go.