Josie
12-07-2009, 12:18 AM
Hi Ladies
When I joined the forum back in April I said at the time that I was looking for an answer to what I am and feel and how I explain that to others. Though I’ve been repeatedly told “there is no answer”, I’m pleased to say there is! In fact a very clear and definitive answer. Although what I’ve found is mine, it could be applied to any one of us.
As to where the answer is, it’s in all of us. It’s been there all the time.
Thanks to you all my search has been a fascinating and enjoyable adventure. Most importantly it’s been lots of fun. I’ve read so much over the past months; your thoughts, fears, and experiences. You’ve told me so much about your feelings. Sometimes you’ve made me smile, other times, well a tear, and most times I’ve felt humbled at the enormity of the challenges and obstacles you have overcome or are in the throes of overcoming.
Your feelings and experiences have been individual clues in helping me find an answer. When putting together the tiniest of clues, you have told me the things I never knew before but needed to know.
When I started I was in a cupboard peeking through the door too nervous to open it and come out. The analogy is probably better with a room rather than a cupboard.
To begin to discover it is important to know that there is a whole world inside the room and it’s your world. You own it, you control it. It’s yours.
Trouble is in peeking through that door there isn’t much light coming in. Apart from a sliver running along the edge of the door, the rest of the room is in darkness. Behind you there is nothing but darkness. Is the darkness your past? Is the only way forward to throw that door open and walk through regardless? No its not! Throw the door open by all means but then turn around. What do you see? The room is lit and bright; it is the present not the past. All those you love and those that love you are in the room with you. You just hadn’t seen them before in the darkness behind you. But best of all, there are lots of other doors leading out of the room. They all lead to lead to the future. There’s one marked “reconciliation”. I went through that a month ago and I’m happy to say that those I love followed me through.
There’s another marked “how to explain”. It was hard going through that one but I did manage it just a couple of weeks ago, also alongside those I love.
There are lots of others doors as well; I’ve seen those labelled compassion and trust but the one thing I’ve noticed is that the more I go through, the more that door at the far side of the room marked “darkness and temptation” seems to fade and recede.
Of course the room is only the first part of the answer. The second and larger part is knowing what to do when you go through one of the doors. We only know that as individuals. I’ve discovered what to do thanks solely to you all and the advice taken from the clues you have all given me. The first door I ever opened was the one marked “forum”. That was the one that brought light in and the first step in answering my questions.
I think you share a great organisation. Though it must never be “bigger” than the individual it does represent a massive collective of thought and experience. Given 160 members I guess there must be over 5000 years of experience in the membership of the forum. That’s a sobering thought isn’t it? Please continue to show warmth and to pool and share your incredible experience with others as you have done with me.
As for me, I think it’s time to go as I look toward the next door.
The words of my favourite poem come back again (you know, the one I have banged on about ad nauseum) - …..”Miles to go and promises to keep, and promises to keep”
I will always remember the forum for the lovely people on it. I’m sure I will return from time to time to view the “general public bits”. Just think! I’ll be one of those “seedy guests” I distrust so much. Ehmm, that’s a little sobering as well. To be fair, I suppose you could regard guests as future members.
I’ve gained some friends who I’ve corresponded with outside of the forum. I hope we can maintain those friendships which I’ve valued and will continue to do so much
My final words are a plea to Lynda and I refer to a recent message. Please, please, please change the name “Administrator”. To me it’s an IT phrase, something out of 1984, something definitely of the eighties – the person who signs execution contracts in mafia films of the 1980’s. Altogether something sinister and control freaky.
Something more befitting to the forum maybe; “Mrs. Manager”, or “Mistress of the Universe” or even “Mum”!! As for “Moderator”, that sounds even worse but I’m not sure what a moderator does so I won’t comment in case it is something worse. Maybe this is the subject for someone to start a new posting with?
Anyway, to Lynda and the Moderators (sounds like a new girl band doesn’t it?), and especially to all of the members of the forum that have touched and affected me so much in the last few months, I can only give you my sincere gratitude, love, and best wishes for all of your futures.
Josie. :) ;)
XXX
PS. I will clear my proverbial desk in the next couple of days and trust you will do your administratory things to tidy up any remaining personal stuff. Thank you.
Love, J.
When I joined the forum back in April I said at the time that I was looking for an answer to what I am and feel and how I explain that to others. Though I’ve been repeatedly told “there is no answer”, I’m pleased to say there is! In fact a very clear and definitive answer. Although what I’ve found is mine, it could be applied to any one of us.
As to where the answer is, it’s in all of us. It’s been there all the time.
Thanks to you all my search has been a fascinating and enjoyable adventure. Most importantly it’s been lots of fun. I’ve read so much over the past months; your thoughts, fears, and experiences. You’ve told me so much about your feelings. Sometimes you’ve made me smile, other times, well a tear, and most times I’ve felt humbled at the enormity of the challenges and obstacles you have overcome or are in the throes of overcoming.
Your feelings and experiences have been individual clues in helping me find an answer. When putting together the tiniest of clues, you have told me the things I never knew before but needed to know.
When I started I was in a cupboard peeking through the door too nervous to open it and come out. The analogy is probably better with a room rather than a cupboard.
To begin to discover it is important to know that there is a whole world inside the room and it’s your world. You own it, you control it. It’s yours.
Trouble is in peeking through that door there isn’t much light coming in. Apart from a sliver running along the edge of the door, the rest of the room is in darkness. Behind you there is nothing but darkness. Is the darkness your past? Is the only way forward to throw that door open and walk through regardless? No its not! Throw the door open by all means but then turn around. What do you see? The room is lit and bright; it is the present not the past. All those you love and those that love you are in the room with you. You just hadn’t seen them before in the darkness behind you. But best of all, there are lots of other doors leading out of the room. They all lead to lead to the future. There’s one marked “reconciliation”. I went through that a month ago and I’m happy to say that those I love followed me through.
There’s another marked “how to explain”. It was hard going through that one but I did manage it just a couple of weeks ago, also alongside those I love.
There are lots of others doors as well; I’ve seen those labelled compassion and trust but the one thing I’ve noticed is that the more I go through, the more that door at the far side of the room marked “darkness and temptation” seems to fade and recede.
Of course the room is only the first part of the answer. The second and larger part is knowing what to do when you go through one of the doors. We only know that as individuals. I’ve discovered what to do thanks solely to you all and the advice taken from the clues you have all given me. The first door I ever opened was the one marked “forum”. That was the one that brought light in and the first step in answering my questions.
I think you share a great organisation. Though it must never be “bigger” than the individual it does represent a massive collective of thought and experience. Given 160 members I guess there must be over 5000 years of experience in the membership of the forum. That’s a sobering thought isn’t it? Please continue to show warmth and to pool and share your incredible experience with others as you have done with me.
As for me, I think it’s time to go as I look toward the next door.
The words of my favourite poem come back again (you know, the one I have banged on about ad nauseum) - …..”Miles to go and promises to keep, and promises to keep”
I will always remember the forum for the lovely people on it. I’m sure I will return from time to time to view the “general public bits”. Just think! I’ll be one of those “seedy guests” I distrust so much. Ehmm, that’s a little sobering as well. To be fair, I suppose you could regard guests as future members.
I’ve gained some friends who I’ve corresponded with outside of the forum. I hope we can maintain those friendships which I’ve valued and will continue to do so much
My final words are a plea to Lynda and I refer to a recent message. Please, please, please change the name “Administrator”. To me it’s an IT phrase, something out of 1984, something definitely of the eighties – the person who signs execution contracts in mafia films of the 1980’s. Altogether something sinister and control freaky.
Something more befitting to the forum maybe; “Mrs. Manager”, or “Mistress of the Universe” or even “Mum”!! As for “Moderator”, that sounds even worse but I’m not sure what a moderator does so I won’t comment in case it is something worse. Maybe this is the subject for someone to start a new posting with?
Anyway, to Lynda and the Moderators (sounds like a new girl band doesn’t it?), and especially to all of the members of the forum that have touched and affected me so much in the last few months, I can only give you my sincere gratitude, love, and best wishes for all of your futures.
Josie. :) ;)
XXX
PS. I will clear my proverbial desk in the next couple of days and trust you will do your administratory things to tidy up any remaining personal stuff. Thank you.
Love, J.